you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
