Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
