We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize