It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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