everyone is single if you try hard enough
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize