she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
