Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
