she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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