you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
