new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
