I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
