Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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