I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
