There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
