Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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