in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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