My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize