i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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