i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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