You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
