I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
