why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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