I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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