the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
