i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
