I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
