is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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