Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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