rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
