Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
