She's the barista slut.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
