My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize