Rock
Scissors
Fuck
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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