He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize