apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
