You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
