i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
