so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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