Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
