She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
