okay pat passed out under dana's car
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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