Do you still have your period?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
