so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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