i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
