Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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