There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
