Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
