toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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