she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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