You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
