i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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