Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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