Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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