Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
