I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
