dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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