Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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