I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
