and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
