you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
