Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
