that's an acceptable place to lick
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
