This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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