JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
