I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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