You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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