his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
